You Can’t Please Everyone

As you’ll know if you follow the blog, Mish and I released a new HVIRESS track last week: I Am The Snake Queen. The visualiser video has had a mixed response because of its AI elements, which felt like the perfect preamble to this week’s subject: You can’t please everyone.

One comment called us “shameful” for using AI — which we found quite funny, especially since it looked like a bot. AI hating on AI? (Worth noting: for this video we did pay an artist to create it.) Sometimes you need different tools to keep a project moving, and the truth is, no matter what you do, someone will have a problem with it.

Listen to the podcast here

Feeling the Feedback

As musicians, criticism cuts deeply because we handle every aspect of the business ourselves. Release days can be especially brutal. When our third album Waiting to Burn came out, we got three really nasty reviews on the very same day, followed by a nightmare gig where we got stuck in traffic and the promoter left before our set.

I’ve always made music that’s divisive, so I expect some people to hate it. But being in a band makes it easier to take — you can share the load and even laugh at it together. My guitarist Jim, with his brutal humour, always turns negativity into something funny. When those Waiting to Burn reviews dropped, his immediate reaction was: “What are they, deaf?” That sort of camaraderie makes all the difference.

The Whiskey, Not the Tea

I love the quote: “I’d rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea.” (Dara’s version: “I’d rather be someone’s shot in the arm.” 🤣)

The truth is, even more than negative feedback, the hardest thing can be silence. Release days often come with a resounding lack of response, which can feel crushing. But negative feedback usually represents just a fraction of the total, and the fact that someone cared enough to respond means you’re reaching people. If you’re getting bad reviews, you’re being heard.

Social Media Boundaries

Social media makes it harder because now so much is reflected back at you instantly. It’s easy to feel like the response you see is the only response.

Mish points out that as women, we’re already expected to be people pleasers, so it’s important to protect yourself. Limit your time on socials, especially on release day when you’re vulnerable.

A gem I’ve picked up: Post and Ghost. Share your work, then log out. Worry about the quality of what you put out, not the likes you get back. Likes don’t equal money, and reaching your real fans matters more than pleasing everyone.

Choosing Your People

Happily, I’ve never been much of a people-pleaser in art — I actually enjoy alienating people a little. But I’ve sometimes taken the lazy option of letting louder voices make decisions for me. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with people who serve the song, not their egos.

With Mish and me, we’ve built a safe space where we can send each other raw ideas and give honest, non-judgmental feedback. That’s invaluable. Over time, you get better at telling which feedback is useful and which is just noise.

And remember: band members who stick with you through thick and thin are the best feedback you’ll ever get. If they didn’t believe in you, they wouldn’t stay.

Embracing Yourself

For me, sharing demos is harder than releasing songs — they’re such personal first impressions. But harsh feedback from people who care is usually a sign they know you’ve got more in you. It’s all about trusting yourself and finding your tribe.

Ultimately, you can’t please everyone — and you shouldn’t try. Success is a mindset. Focus on who you’re reaching and how you’re making their lives better. Forget about pleasing the masses. When you focus on pleasing your people, the gratitude that flows both ways creates that feeling of success that can otherwise be so elusive.

Question of the Week

What’s the worst review you’ve ever had?

• Mishkin: “They’re a group of spurned Sunday school teachers exacting their musical revenge.” (Another gripe was: “She clearly had piano lessons.” Sorry - since when is being able to play your instrument a bad thing?!) Birdeatsbaby rolled with it and made a video based on being Sunday school teachers.

  
  

• Hana: “An Evanescence tribute band with writer’s block.” (Honestly, the only reason anyone compared us to Evanescence is because they skimmed the PR release at the time.)

The Weekly Whinge

• Hana: ChatGPT as a lyric-writing partner. Total waste of time — silver lining, we won’t be replaced by AI anytime soon.

  
  

• Mish: The endless stream of little tasks popping up like weeds. “Rushing Woman Syndrome” is real.

  
  

Let us know your thoughts on AI in art — and of course, your own Weekly Whinge.