If it has more than 3 chords, it's prog
If it's not 4/4, it's prog
If it's over 3 minutes, it's prog
If it's not in E, it's prog
If your drummer can't play it after one listen, it's prog
If you're missing 1 syllable, just add "oooh"
If you're missing 2 syllables, just add "baby"
If you're missing 3 syllables, just add " oooh baby"
Rhyme schemes like "bed" and "real" are legitimate
If you can't play Beer by Reel Big Fish over it, it needs to be changed
If you can remember writing it, you didn't drink enough
If it's not about sex or Satan, why are you even in a band